my birthday

"Old to Begin"-Pavement

Embrace the senile genius
Watch him reinvent the wheel
I don't need your summary acts, summary acts to give into the narrative
age
Old to begin... I will set you back, set you back, set you
Old to begin... I will set you back, set you back, set you

We get to feeling like a fixture
Set in 1966 -- time came that we drifted apart
Drifted apart to find an identical twin

Old to begin... I will set you back, set you back, set you
Old to begin... I will set you back, set you back, fella

Searching for latent cause; blame it on menopause
Or perhaps stress and strain; credit cards, lumbar pain
But I've seen your double dares everything extraordinaire
I know the things you do are gonna come back

just can't make myself make music

"After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."- Aldous Huxley

there's an album in me... 08 songs:
fastened, undone, lying, woods, bronchitis, enumeration, drown, uptown
i've got to get them out. but i can't. i don't know why not. maybe it is the fear of not knowing what to do once they are out. i'm 35. i'm too old to really do anything. right? i've sat in my home studio at my computer for hours--a guitar in my lap, headphones on, microphone in front of my mouth and it all pours out. that's not the problem. but how does a musician accurately capture the music in their head in bits and bytes? in 1984 tascam saved my life. in 2004 it was apple. its too cheap and easy. production is easy. implementation is hard.

once they're out... then what? criticism. ennui. success?
what is success?

maybe it doesn't matter. my needs are inexpressible right now. silence. but soon to be music.

...to be continued